The Four Ways We Handle Bad Days
A bad moment lands. The email. The eye-roll. The missed deadline. The forgotten anniversary. (Different arena. Same stomach drop.)
Work or life — your nervous system doesn’t really care. It just wants relief.
So you reach for something. You blame yourself. You blame someone else. You disappear into snacks, scrolling, or a sudden interest in reorganising the pantry.
To be clear — taking off isn’t illegal. Sometimes a walk, a biscuit, or a dramatic sigh in the car is exactly what’s needed. It’s only a problem if you move in permanently.
Most of our responses are reflex. One is a choice. And that choice is the one that gives you your power back.
Let’s unpack them.
1. Take It In (The Self-Blame Spiral)
This is the “It must be me” response.
You misread the room in a meeting, and suddenly you’re mentally rewriting your entire career history. You forget one attachment, and now you’re questioning your suitability for adulthood.
Taking it on feels responsible. Mature. Accountable. But mostly, it’s just heavy. We internalise the bad thing and inflate it. We don’t just make a mistake — we are the mistake.
The upside? You feel morally superior for being hard on yourself.
The downside? This internalisation is exhausting and rarely proportionate.
2. Take It Out (The Blame Olympics)
Ah yes. The external pivot.
“She dropped the ball.” “Leadership have no idea.” “The universe is clearly against me.” Taking it out is energising. Righteous, even. There’s a tiny dopamine hit in finding a culprit. It protects your ego beautifully.
But here’s the problem: if someone else owns the problem, someone else owns the solution. Which means you get to stay annoyed… but not in control.
It’s emotionally satisfying and strategically useless.
3. Take Off (The Escape Hatch)
This is the quiet one.
You scroll. You snack. You reorganise your desktop icons. You suddenly develop an urgent urge to clean out your 2017 inbox.
Taking off feels soothing. You’ve removed yourself from the sting. But the original thing? Still there. Waiting. Possibly growing.
Escape is not evil. Sometimes you do need a breather. But if avoidance becomes your long-term strategy, bad days quietly turn into bad weeks.
4. Take It On (Regaining Control)
This is the steady one.
Not the self-blame spiral. Not the courtroom prosecution of someone else. Not the disappearing act. This is the moment you pause and think:
“Okay. This isn’t ideal. Now what?”
Taking it on means deciding not to outsource the outcome. You might apologise. Clarify. Reset a boundary. Fix the mistake. Have the conversation you’d rather avoid. It doesn’t mean you caused it. It means you’re choosing not to stay stuck in it.
There’s something deeply regulating about this move. Even a small action — sending the clarifying email, naming the awkwardness, adjusting the plan — shifts you from powerless to purposeful.
You don’t control everything. But you usually control something. And that “something” is often enough to steady the day.
Our Go-To Moves
We take it in because somewhere along the way we learned that if something goes wrong, it must be us. We take it out because it’s easier to feel angry than inadequate. We take off because staying present with discomfort feels harder than scrolling past it. These aren’t character flaws. They’re coping strategies. Just not always helpful ones.
So what’s a better approach for days when everything sucks:
Notice what’s happening - awareness.
Consider what you need - claim your agency.
Do one small thing that genuinely helps - take action.
Because Bad Days don’t wreck us. Unexamined reactions do. You don’t need to fix everything. You just need to stop handing your power to self-criticism, blame, or avoidance.
Next time something goes sideways, ask yourself:
Am I taking this out on me?
Am I taking this out on someone else?
Am I being avoid-y?
Or am I ready to take it on and get some control back?
Small shift. Big difference.