Why the Best Leaders Live in the Tension

Let’s get something out of the way: leadership is not for the binary-minded.

If you came into your role thinking decisions would be clear, trade-offs obvious, and people consistent, then congratulations! You’ve discovered what every leader eventually learns: you’re now the CEO of Grey Areas, Inc.

Every day, leaders are pulled between opposing but equally important forces. And the bad news? You don’t get to pick a side. The good news? You’re not failing. You’re just managing a polarity - a fancy way of saying: “two things that seem opposite but actually need each other to work.”

They’re not problems you can solve once and for all—they’re tensions you have to balance over time. Like breathing in and breathing out. You can’t just pick one and stick with it.

Why This Matters for Leaders

Here’s the kicker: most of your toughest leadership dilemmas aren’t solvable.

Do you…

  • Give people more freedom or hold them more accountable?

  • Push for change or protect what’s already working?

  • Take charge with a firm decision or open it up for collaboration?

  • Act with confidence or lead with humility?

If you answered “both,” congratulations—you’re already doing polarity management. Now let’s make it intentional.

12 Polarities Every Leader Wrestles With

Here are some of the top leadership tightropes:

Trying to “solve” these by choosing one side will land you in trouble. Emphasise flexibility and you risk chaos. Cling to structure and you suffocate innovation. It’s not about choosing, it’s about oscillating wisely.

So… How Do You Actually Balance These?

1. Name the Tension

Half the battle is realising you're not dealing with a problem to solve, but a polarity to manage. Try saying it aloud:

“Ah, I’m not indecisive—I’m holding a healthy tension.” This works in leadership meetings and your mirror.

2. Map the Polarity

Use a polarity map (don’t worry, it's not a Pinterest board). List:

  • The upsides of both poles

  • The downsides of overusing either

  • The warning signs that you’ve tipped too far

  • Some action steps to restore balance

Let’s try one:

Autonomy ↔ Accountability

Upside: Trust, innovation, ownership | Clarity, consistency, results

Downside: Chaos, duplication, missed targets | Micromanagement, fear, disengagement

Warning Signs: “Everyone’s doing their own thing” | “Why is everyone waiting for my approval?”

Balancing Actions: Clear boundaries, check-ins | Delegate with trust, coach, not control

You can make one of these for every polarity. (Bonus points if you do it with your team.)

3. Resist the Either/Or Trap

When things get tense, we default to polarising language: “We need more structure!” “No, we need more agility!” Try instead:

“What would it look like to get the best of both right now?”

It reframes the conversation from conflict to creative problem solving.

Compassion for Yourself (and Others)

Balancing polarities is not a perfect science. You will wobble. You will overcorrect. You will swing from “I trust you all completely” to “Why is nothing getting done?!”

That’s okay. It’s not failure. It’s feedback.

The best leaders don’t eliminate tension—they learn to live inside it, with clarity, curiosity, and a sense of humour.

It’s Not a Tightrope, It’s a Dance

Leadership isn’t a high-wire act where one wrong step means doom. It’s more like dancing: you shift your weight, stay aware of the rhythm, adjust your balance, and if you step on a few toes along the way, you apologise and keep moving.

So next time you're caught between two “right” answers, don’t panic. Take a breath. Find your feet. And remember: the job isn’t to choose sides—it’s to lead in the in-between.

Gayle Smerdon