Road Trip to Unhelpful Places

Not long ago, someone confessed they were “deep in Conflict Avoidance Land.” I could picture it immediately: neat lawns, fake smiles, lots of internal screaming. A place where people nod earnestly, agree to things they don’t believe in, and later lie awake thinking of all the things they should have said.

The phrase made me laugh—but it also rang true. We’ve all been there. And Conflict Avoidance Land isn’t some lonely outpost. It’s part of a larger region, an emotional continent filled with places we go when we’re trying to protect ourselves but end up working against our best interests.

Let’s take a short tour. No map really needed—you’ve probably been to most of these already.

Conflict Avoidance Land

Main industries: Politeness, repressed frustration, passive-aggressive Slack messages.

People here work hard to keep the peace, at almost any cost. They swallow concerns, nod in meetings, and rehearse brave conversations they’ll never actually have. It feels safe, but it’s not. The longer you stay, the more likely you are to explode over something small or disappear into silence entirely.

The Land of Just-One-More-Thing

A bustling place powered by overcommitment and self-erasure.

Residents are always “just finishing something” or “quickly squeezing it in.” No one here remembers the last time they sat down without multitasking. It feels productive, but it’s really just an elaborate way to avoid rest, boundaries, and difficult questions like “What actually matters?”

The Waiting Room

Not a country so much as a holding pattern.

People here are waiting for the right time, the right mood, the right version of themselves to show up and do the brave thing. Projects stall, conversations dangle, and time passes. It’s quiet. Comfortable. Until you realise a whole year has gone by and nothing has changed.

The Place Where Everything Must Be Perfect

Somewhat sterile. Well-lit. Intensely lonely.

Here, nothing is ever quite ready. Drafts are never final, emails are rewritten endlessly, and nobody launches until everything is flawless. Which means… nothing gets launched. People here are often highly capable but stuck in a loop of never-quite-good-enough.

The Land of No One Understands Me

Population: You, and the stories you tell yourself about other people’s intentions.

This is where misunderstandings are left to fester and assumptions grow unchecked. People here feel unseen, unappreciated, and oddly righteous about not clarifying anything. It’s isolating, but familiar. Especially for those who’ve taken up long-term residency in Conflict Avoidance Land.

The Busy-But-Empty Zone

Everyone is in motion, but no one is moving forward.

People here are booked solid. Their calendars are packed, their to-do lists endless—but nothing truly fulfilling is getting done. It's a blur of low-grade urgency with no real direction. Ask anyone what they’re working towards, and they’ll blink like you’ve asked them the square root of Tuesday.

The Blow-Up Border

Where years of unspoken things finally get a voice, all at once.

This is the area just outside Conflict Avoidance Land. It’s where a single email or offhand comment triggers a flood of long-held resentment. It’s loud, messy, and almost always surprising to the person on the receiving end. Often preceded by, “This isn’t really about you, but…”

The Place Where Things Get Clearer

Less dramatic. Often overlooked. Always worth the trip.

This is the land where you say the thing you’ve been avoiding. Where you name the tension, set the boundary, ask the question, or admit what you really want. It’s awkward at first, maybe even a little painful, but there’s relief on the other side. You don’t need permission to go there. Just a bit of courage and a willingness to be honest.

Where have you been spending your time lately?

These places are easy to slip into, especially when life feels overwhelming or uncertain. They can feel safer than doing the hard thing in the moment, but the cost builds over time. You don’t have to pack up and move your whole emotional life in one day, but noticing where you’ve landed is a good start.

So if you’re currently in Conflict Avoidance Land or its neighbouring zones, consider this your invitation: take the next exit. There’s a better place just ahead.